...tax preparation time

Well getting to bed after four am is not a good thing for me...but it is what it is. Last night I got five uninterrupted hours of rest, then woke up fully at 4:30 am. I had to turn to my medical m to tranquilize myself back to rest and I then had another five hours of uninterrupted sleep. Tonight, given a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 11...an appointment that it will take time to park and walk to...I cannot expect all that much sleep before it will be time to get up and at it.

Why have I been so steadfastily at my spreadsheet for taxes? Because I am dead lining in a big way. I have just one day with Rita before chemo and potential nausea. Between now and Sunday early evening, I have appointments tomorrow...first the doctor and then the counselor. In between I hope to get some vegetables purchased as I have little fresh. Saturday, I want to get out of the house and that can only occur if the spreadsheets are completed. They represent all the nitty gritty details of profit and loss with my dear-to-me house in CA, the travel and repairs and purchases...and if I had kept a spread sheet going, I would not be combing through all of my credit card statements, travel emails, etc. I have begun the spreadsheet for this year! Silver lining, I guess. And, once I honestly got at it tonight, I kept at it. I have gone through all emails, all bank statements from CA and that leaves the bank statements here and that presents yet another problem. I closed my account at Key Bank and cannot access the e statements anymore. I will have to go into a Key Bank branch tomorrow (list just grew!) and get someone to print them. I presume that is possible.

Why did it take me so long today to get started with this task? I awoke fully rested and knew this was the day. But, I went into procrastination mode. I am skilled at that mode of operation. I grew to be an expert procrastinator in grad school Writing my thesis took all I had...because each day, before I got at it, I found things that needed sorting, or cleaning...I mean my cupboards were tidied,  windows washed, aluminum sills cleaned, dog bathed...you name it, I did it instead of the writing. And today, I fell right back into that comforting pattern. I am guessing I find it comforting...it's like how can I get mad at myself if I am accomplishing, regardless of whether or not I am accomplishing that which must get done due to time constraints. In the case of the thesis, I got it in just an hour before the office would close and I would not make the Dec 2000 graduation list. And, it turns out there were extra pages in one of the bound copies. Should the printer have noticed? Well, it would have been cool if he had; he told me he went through it all. But it is what it is...there is a copy in the library at HSU and I can only hope a few folks read it. I did not accomplish the once highly held goal of starting a victim-offender mediation program in Humboldt. And right now, I do not think that is a goal I care to accomplish. I feel it would have been a huge gift to the county to have had the umph to push past the problems that prevented me from getting a program off the ground...but I digress.

This is not going to be about that which I wanted to do and never got around to. But it almost was! I am going to complete the tax prep spreadsheets (yes plural, two...one for self employment, too). It was a bleak year financially in a way I have never experienced. It is by the grace of god I stayed here...and I feel it was with unbeknownst at the time reason. Blessings have come from staying here. And blessings will come when I leave. In the interim, I only wish that I could be in the moment and on an even keel more often. The chapter I am in is temporary. My being hard on me...seems more entrenched....because here I am, yet again, getting down on me for shortcomings.

Yeah, I'm tired. I have to go get to bed. I wanted to convey that I am having another challenging mini-chapter as I push hard to get my spreadsheets accurately developed. It takes a lot of organization and thought to do so. And I am well on my way.

One last thing to report on: my health. I have been fighting off something that resembles a cold. I have a runny nose and not a great amount of energy for the past two days. I know I exposed myself to germs at the senior assisted living facility and then there are other social encounters that exposed me to illness. I find it hard to abide by what I was told in terms of keeping myself away from the public. I know the reasons why not to...and then I find myself not being disciplined or simply forgetting. Tomorrow I go into a big medical facility and I know I will be near some sick folks in the process. Vitamin C? Can you please help me to ward off illness so that I can go into chemo able to take the fourth round with some grace?

I hope so...about a lot.