Another day...and the sun was out. I got a return call from the acupuncturist who I hope can set herself up to be a Cancer Connects provider. I highly respect Caroline's work and have been thinking that I need to see her. As it gets tougher, I turn to the resources I have access to. I received two vouchers for acupuncturist treatment. Of the two providers on the list, one was no longer in business. Thus I got active and tried to see if the provider I know might be willing to be on the list to accept clients at the reduced fee. And, she is! Caroline is going to call the person whose name I gave her and give the relevant info to become a provider who can accept the vouchers. I hope the process is not too grand and that I will be able to get one of my treatments sometime in the next month.
I addition, I finally spoke up about the nurse whose port accessing has left me hurting. I sent an email to my nurse and heard back via phonecall. I will no longer have to deal with the nurse. I feel relieved. I still hurt and it is very black and blue.
I also called about a medical bill and discovered that even if that provider has billed and received compensation from my insurance for other such services, they do not necessarily put the two together. So I had the full bill and have now given them insurance info (they already had). This will no longer be in my "medical bills" folder.
I am now in prep for the PET scan mode. I will soon eat my delicious organic salad with cheese and vinegar and oil. I can have no carbs at all until after the scan. I will be drinking water only. And, Patti and I spoke and she went to buy me some water. I will be radioactive tomorrow and will need to drink plenty of water to flush it out of me. I cannot even fret over such matters. I have to do it...so I do. I will write more about the PET scan tomorrow.
It has been a day of talking to those who matter and are far away. I spoke to Candice as she drove from Marin to Highway One near Pacifica. I went over the Golden Gate with her, learned of current tolls and more. It was wonderful, in its way, to know where she was as she made her way to her appointment, and to feel I was there in a sense.
Next I spoke at length to Dawn. She provided good insight to me...she knows me well and knows the things I struggle with. We went over a few deep topics...and here it is hours later and in Boston, there has been a tragic bombing event with casualties. Her oldest daughter is a nurse there and is on the volunteer list at MGH. Amazing how swiftly in life something unexpected can happen and life can be different thereafter. Many will have that as their reality post tragedy. I think of such things on a daily basis. Not tragedies, per se, but just sudden shifts that mean that what you were comfortable with no longer is. Argh. Like you just don't know when you say goodbye to someone if you will or will not see them again. Fascinating and true. Difficult yet part of living.
Later, I spoke to Ed, who is in my favorite city, The City by the Bay. Some of today's realizations have left me sad and confused. My attention has gone to choices and timing in life. And how when two people are involved with another, in a caring, loving, sharing way, the actions of one will effect the other, whether intended or not. It is respectful to understand that when you are close, your actions effect the other and to seek feedback in order to circumvent hurtful impacts when they are at all foreseeable. Giving someone who will be impacted by your choices a chance to express their feelings confirms that they matter.
This is clearly a time like no other. I have a lot of time to reflect, self-reflect and to come to terms with my own needs and desires. Often, I do so while enduring pain and discomfort. I painfully feel what is lacking, while purposefully focusing on the positive and the gifts. I am grateful daily, with good reason.
It's time for salad and to go get my water and ready for tomorrow. I expect that I will be done with the scan series and home by noon. I will be cleansing with water all day. And the next day will be a big day....I will go into my appointment with Dr. Puc, alone, to find out what I expect to be good news. And I need to figure out why being alone has become so difficult while going through the chapter of gaining access to more life.
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