What matters most? That question has been pushed front and center. It's not that it's vital that one quantifies the things that matter and then comes up with a tally...but as a person who has faced my mortality by learning I was a hostess to stage iv ovarian cancer, I am thinking about what I want to really do with the rest of my life. I have longed for the Northcoast of CA as I have laid in pain. I have mind-traveled to places near and dear, and lo and behold, those places are out west. And I had nearly sold this home to move back there about a year and a half ago. Since then, so very much has happened. I feel certain I was led to stay for some specific things to happen as they were meant to.
As I faced a certain reality I had not acknowledged as such last night, I talked my way through an evaluation of sorts. And I felt like the cosmic jokers were at it yet again. What do I value more? Love and nurturing and companionship or being in a place where I feel my sense of place? A place where one feels spiritual renewal when breathing in the unpolluted air and looking at some of the most gorgeous scenery that can be imagined or found anywhere. Anywhere. There is no way to explain being dwarfed to a place where you truly understand your place on the planet as a human in the presence of ancient redwoods. I touch their bark and cry tears which clarify and sanctify. I long for such things because I have experienced them and know their value in my life. And to juxtaposition the images of the Northcoast to the area where I reside is difficult and in some ways painful for me. But...and...geez...this is where I have found something so calming, intuitive, rich, rewarding, easy, beautiful, kind and loving in a budding bond with another being. I value each as integral parts of a healthy and balanced life.
I leave this topic alone for now ...because now is what I have and I am still in cancer treatment here. But after the roller coaster ride the topic piqued, I was up into the wee witching hours this morning and did not get nearly enough rest. After five hours of sleep, followed by 2 hours of laying on the bed resting, I got up and had coffee, straightened up the house and got ready to join my cousin and aunt for lunch. I feel so happy to be well enough to go out for lunch and made this an exception day for eating in that I chose an Italian restaurant where there is no organic anything. Ditto for the Italian bakery stop afterwards! And I thoroughly enjoyed my time with my family! Thoroughly. The conversation, delicious wine and delicious food...all linger as I sit comfortably reminiscing. What occurred at the restaurant, the hap-in-stance encounter between the waitress and I is yet another example of how my cool life rolls.
The waitress began with an odd attitude that we all noted. She seemed a bit huffy and impatient. But tha shifted...and after a couple of interactions she came up to me and asked, "Is that a wig you have on?" I had no reason to lie. She asked, "Cancer?" I confirmed with a simple yes. She then went on to say, "I asked because I had the same wig in a different color." Amazing! That intro led us to discuss, over the course of all of her table stops, her cancer, her experiences...her story. At least some of it. And Vicky gave me her phone number so that I can feel free to call her for support and further conversation.
How rich life is to bring such encounters my way. Not only did I enjoy my time with Terry and Aunt Doris, my eggplant parm and salad, my Gnarly Head red wine, but also meeting a stranger who turned soft and transparent and shared from her heart, exposing our commonalities. I expect to call Vicky one day in the near future. I think there is more to be shared.
I am now contemplating one short outing to one store hoping to truly luck out and find a gift I would like to get. Thereafter, couch time and then if possible, I shall watch the NCAA basketball tournament game featuring the areas favorite children, the Orange. The phenomenon of sports as a bonding agent is not something I'm gonna touch any further than this sentence today. I'm looking out at stripes of a beautiful bluish turquoise hue in my western skyline. It was warm enough today that I swept off the deck and did so without a coat! Ok, so it was only for a minute...because it is not warm, but warming. Warming with lengthening days makes for one hopeful woman, glad for the fact spring is springing here. And I am ready. Ready for growth and life and renewal...and more things good.
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