Here I am reaching out, writing about a time in my life like no other. Just last week the following was applicable: If you're reading this you are a member of My Cancer Circle. That fact means a lot to me. I'm in my best possible mindset at any given moment...and they do vary. Here's a brief history of where I am at and how I got here...
On November 9, 2012, I learned that my right abdominal pains were likely ovarian cancer while waiting for an appendectomy. Glad I didn't give up the appendix before learning the truth...because I rather like keeping as many of my organs as are healthy and functional!
CT scans and Xrays confirmed multiple tumors of significant size. I went to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan and had the good fortune of being randomly assigned to an ovarian cancer specialist who told me that I already had the best surgeon possible treating me. She believed this to be so because gynecology oncology expert Dr. Cunningham, in Syracuse, had been her mentor. The consult was a relief and affirming, inspirational and no-nonsense. It enabled me to schedule and subsequently undergo"debulking" surgery on December 19, 2012.
It was a big surgery and it went as well as all had prayed. Dr. Cunningham was very pleased to report that she was able to leave my spleen and able to remove the tumor on the dome of my liver along with the many other cancerous tumors in the peritoneal area, and ovaries. I spent 5 days in Crouse Hospital and returned home on Christmas Eve evening.
The staples came out on January 3, 2013; after going to the ER where my mom had been sent with pneumonia (from which she has recovered), I went and had the thirty something staples out of my abdomen...and that was a great relief. A conference with Dr. Cunningham the following week revealed her beliefs that after chemo I should be in remission. She told me that ovarian cancer responds well to Paclitaxel & Carboplatin.
Recent CT and PET scans show the cancer is forming new tumors...so the time to attack has come...and I am ready! The battle may leave me fatigued, sore, cranky and pushed at times, and unable to fully meet my own needs.
I have always realized myself as truly blessed to make strong and lasting connections with wonderful, kind and loving people. I know that I am in a very challenging chapter I must go through and I will need help. A dear friend established this site as a place I can use the help calendar to note my appointments and needs, thereby allowing those who wish to help out a way to see a need and sign on to help as is possible.
I write this the evening before I begin chemotherapy. I hope to hear from those who wish to keep in touch. Call! If I cannot take the call, I will return it when possible. I will update my status as announcements here as time goes on. Thank you for caring. ♥
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Since writing this last week, I have come to a preferred way of seeing life with cancer. Rather than get into an adversarial battle with it, I view it as a part of a non-harmonious body. Cancer has become a part of my body, although I am now on a course that will create harmony again. And to that end I spend effort steering my thoughts in a course consistent with restoring or recreating harmony.
I had been quite put off by the thought of getting a foreign object, a port, installed in my body for future uses. The day of the surgery three of the three nurses I spoke with told me that I got the best surgeon, Dr. Murphy. He definitely took time to explain answers to my questions until I conveyed satisfaction with his replies. He showed Hannah, Jannette and I the kit he would be placing and assured me he had done so many as to know what he is doing.
I recall singing, speaking and at one point he asked me not to talk during the time he inserted the port. He suggested we celebrate the ports' removal one day and I intend to schedule him to take it out, no doubt as meticulously as he had placed it.
There are many things to look forward to and many moments to get through. The first day of chemo was one full of amazing signs. And lesson realizations. On February 5, I awoke and it was a sunny day here in B'ville. Goodness inspiring! The Rascals' song "It's a Beautiful Morning" blazed into my mind and a fast YouTube search later I listened to a couple of difference versions. Hannah and I drove together. I felt hugely comforted to be accompanied by my daughter, Hannah, who at this point had given nearly two months of time to helping me.
On ChemoOne day, she was strong and firm and correct. After entering the infusion room and being asked by the nurse to chose a site to sit, I felt overwhelmed. I sat between two chairs on the right side of the room and began to feel fear. I began to cry. Hannah looked around the room and asked me if I thought I might feel better on the other side of the room in a large corner with a plant. I said maybe and she then asked the nurse if we could move over there before we got started. The nurse said yes and my entire experience was altered after sitting in the new site. Soon thereafter, after relaxing, I spotted a man outside looking up into the sky. Hannah got up and looked out the window commenting about a bald eagle. I got up. Sure enough...to my amazement....a bald eagle whose head feathers were illuminated by the morning sun, was circling in the southern sky with two young eagles nearby. What an amazing gift. I felt blessed.
The entire chemo infusion process went well. I slept some, talked to Hannah some...got through it without incident. And I gave thanks on the way home. My nurse had instilled a high degree of seriousness about letting nausea roll down a track like a train one might have to try to jump on while it chugged ahead...no thank you...not gonna let nausea happen. Period. And so it was, an agreement was forged between me and the meds I was prescribed. And a bond was forged with my port. I felt it an integrated member of my treatment plan, my plan to gain harmony in body, spirit, mind, emotions. When I felt it serve such a major role in my path, without any pain, I gained love and respect for the port. And that is the way of this road to harmonious health...without fear, with gratitude, with love and respect.
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