February 12, 2015

(this post was saved as a draft after it was written on February 12, 2015...when I decided to restart the blog, I edited and posted the saved draft that is therefore dated at it's post time 4/8/2016)
Since my last writing, much has happened. It's always a question of where to begin when one has much to say. I have endured through far more adversity and today was given the choice of crutches or a cane with the brace. The MRI will follow.

And I've been asked to censor myself in this...What I can and will say, up front, is that feeling as though someone else really loves and supports me makes far more difference than one might think. The times I have not had to worry about driving myself to appointments or knew that if I did someone would be calling or texting to hear the news were far richer and safer and overall good times than foregoing it alone. When I went for my second to last Vitamin C infusion, a couple were checking in ahead of me. They were friendly and we spoke briefly. Later, in the infusion room when I was heading to the rest room, I walked by them. She was smiling and he was doting over her while she infused. There was evident love, commitment and caring and sharing going on. I felt it. And as I did, I thought about her life chances vs. someone who did not have the support and perhaps most of all, the love. I do not doubt the level of support one has does effect the probabilities of a positive outcome. Feeling loved and cared about and respected and as though one's relationship is on solid ground matters greatly. There is comfort in knowing someone is not going to turn away and a sinking feeling when one realizes that there is no stability in what they hold dear.

Today I went in to be evaluated for the sudden onset debilitating pain in my knee that began January 7, 2015, the night before my fourth and last chemo. I had climbed the six stairs leading from the entry foyer to the main floor and I screamed in pain as I reached the top stair. My knee locked up and the pain was behind the knee. It wouldn't go away and I could not bear weight on it. That night, I used a chair to scoot my way to the bedroom so I could sleep, hoping I would wake up with it gone, just as it had come...suddenly. I did wake up symptom-free and went to chemo which I shall discuss later. It took about a week for the pain to come again. And again. I then began to notice precipitators as the sharp, sudden agonizing and debilitating pain came and passed again and again. The thing about #10 pain is it takes your attention, your breath and produces a shockwave within. It seems sitting on a low sofa, sitting in a car, both low...and sitting on the high toilet all trigger the locked knee unable to bear weight with sharp pain. So today landed me xrays of the knee, a pending MRI and a prescription for an anti inflammatory. I was also sent to get fitted for a knee brace and afterwards, a physical therapist fitted me with a cane. She observed me and I had the knee go crazy with pain when I got up from the seat. Once we learn more about what exactly is going on, I will be able to get physical therapy exercises to help myself.

With the absolute frigid weather and my knee failing me, I feel quite uncomfortable. I cannot do what I was able to do and I am still arguably recovering from chemo. I am also trying to build my body up from the chemo damage.

It is not just an aside that I placed my hand in my double walled glass mug last night to wash it with a sponge and it busted apart into shreds into my hand. OUCH!! and it was very difficult to remove my hand from the mug once it was stuck ...so I had to pull it through the glass to get it out. Suffice it to say my hand was cut up, bled a lot, and had to be bandaged before I could go to bed. I used a butterfly bandage on the worst cut and a larger bandage on the area of small shredded cuts. I woke up and my hand numb along the side that was cut. So, the doctor asked for xrays on the hand to ensure there was no glass lodged within. Sigh. Enough already with pain upon pain, challenge upon challenge, let down upon let down.

I explained to my general practitioner doctor what I had already shared with my oncologist and integrative oncologist. I quit chemo and have been led to a new path to fully overcome the cancer. Let me explain how this path came to unfold.

When I was visiting a friend in my home-region of the Northcoast of California, I inquired about her mother-in-law who was also diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer in 2012. Gerry told me she is doing great and is taking some "stuff"....which led me to ask questions and her to call her mother-in-law, Carol. Carol and her husband both spoke with me, and ultimately, Carol came over to talk with me. She told me of the book, "Outsmart Your Cancer: Alternative Non-Toxic Treatments That Work," a book written by Tanya Harter Pierce, M.A., MFCC. By the time I flew back to NY, the book had arrived as I ordered it that morning. I also tasted the Protocel that Carol used to rid her body of cancer. And I felt blessed that my quest to find a road to remain in remission was resolved almost effortlessly.

Carol told me her story: In November of 2012, after taking 7 treatments of Carboplatin/Taxolpaxin, her platelets rendered her unable to take more chemo without a rest for her body to recoup. Her CA 125 was not yet in the normal range at that time and she knew she still had cancer. She also had neuropathy in her hands and feet. Her neighbor told her that he used Protocel to rid himself of cancer after doctors offered him no hope. She used it every six hours as instructed, mixed with distilled water. And she requested a scan about three months later and it showed no evidence of disease. Carol remains diligently taking Protocel every six hours and intends to continue doing so. She feels and looks good, although her neuropathy has not gone away. She still gets labs to check her antigen level and to this day remains cancer free.

Carol has been very kind to me. She not only came and told me her story, she also gave me four small empty bottles to use to mix my Protocel and water into for ease of taking it along and being a diligent user. She also had my first bottle sent to me, on her! I have been touched deeply. She has called me since my return, knowing I do not have the support I feel I need, which is not at all to discount what I have received. She has told me she loves me and has encouraged me to start the Protocel as she had hoped I would. But I have turned within and feel it best to give myself a month on a high daily dose of liposomal vitamin c to restore my body first. Protocel cannot be taken alongside vitamin c, nor fish oil, nor vitamin e, all of which have been to this point, part of my regiment. I will also take this time to read and digest the book. Thus far, I have listened to the testimonial cd, which has inspired me fully. Person after person telling of their particular cancer scenario and of the alternative treatment they opted for which left them cancer free, often miraculously.

I have never doubted there are solutions to the cancer problem that are superior to chemotherapy. I was essentially told by my surgeon oncologist that my life is going to go downhill and it will be about managing the chemo treatments to allow me the best quality of life. I now have the challenge of the knee issue, making walking and exercise difficult. But I will persevere.