It's such a remarkable time I find it fascinating that I write so little. I sure think a lot. It is tricky to write a post after weeks have gone by and much has happened.
My platter is heaping with things to accomplish and that is not counting any property or house matters. First and foremost, I must heal emotionally and physically. I'm on a new treatment regiment & it too has changed me. While using the high thc "Rick Simpson" or concentrated cannabis oil, I sleep more, rest more, lose words more. I don"t love the feeling.
Gotta fill-in some of what happened between mid April and now...the eve of June 1! I began spotting blood the third week of April. A hurtful text interchange happened and that evening the spotting began. I sobbed and sobbed. I was scared. I remember moaning out that night. There have indeed been times I have asked for my time to be up. To get it over with for me. During those moments, it has felt too much...and for what? Dang near every dream my mind conjures up includes who I have been doing most adventures with the past few years. Woops. I moved across the country never wishing to lose what I perceived to be real. And I am struggling daily over the loss of what I thought to be a growing relationship. It hurts deep and that makes everything else off-flavored a bit. My patience is way down, I'm jumpy, I'm spending precious energy trying not to be sad as my mind goes back to how it feels to no longer have him in any way. A giant unnecessary loss that I feel I initiated in a sense when I needed a reality check on where we were at with no talk of future anything. For me, such a death-like loss as it has mostly been experienced, has been undoubtedly detrimental. Vicious.
The first time I spotted blood long after any mensus cycle it was the night of a serious emotional blow, a relationship betrayal/ending happened the day before I was to fly to spend holidays with that man. It was hell-of-the-heart...with the symbolic blood of my broken heart seeping. That time, it turned out it was a precancerous condition that led to surgery. Fast forward to this year & there have been two bleeding incidents. Both are about tumor growths now, though.
In April, after the spotting began, I went to my doctor & she was able to see a whitish growth with speculum. She tried to biopsy it, but the painful moan I let out meant she swabbed the area and the lab confirmed it's cancer.
I've just taken my evening dose of cannabis oil. I'll elaborate about that in the future. Because I'm in an altered state, I'm not sure if the sequence of this tale will be its finest. I went to one of the medical cannabis clinics, the Patient Resource Center in Arcata, for the first time with Kat. She seemed to understand my unfounded reservations about going into this unknown scene...so on 4/20 we went! I explained my situation & goals. Specifically I said I was not in for symptom management, but to kill the tumors. I said I wanted to go at it aggressively. I left with some high thc "RSO" and then put off getting started for a few more days. I started, as instructed, with a small amount...they say the size of a grain of rice, but I think I went triple that. Within 10 days I was up to ingesting the full gram.
Each time I have gone to the PRC, I have gained a bit more knowledge. I had begun with frozen cubes of whole plant juice, though they have been out of them lately & I like adding them to my treatment for whole plant non heated juice has its own compounds whose help I'll happily take! I have used a high cbd spray, an 18:1 (cbd-thc) to augment the RSO & for three days I switched to high cbd oil. Other than these deviations, 1 gram per day of high thc RSO has been ingested in a capsule before bed.
I had intended to hire a cannabis specialist doctor in Reno, and had been both optmistic & eager to arrange to go there for three weeks for treatment, but sadly discovered he does not accept my insurance. It was what felt like another blow. It takes energy to get past the blows, and then I am an evolved...felt as devolved...me.
I fortunately had an appointment at Stanford to consult with Dr. Dorigo, gyneoncological oncologist. I had received a call from local oncologist Dr. Richa, who said the Foundation One test results were showing me a candidate for a great PARB inhibitor drug that is self-adminstered orally. I knew I needed to go learn about what the Foundation One analysis of my tumor tissues from the debulking surgery in December 2012 and it was Dr. Dorigo who initiated the study and he who I wanted to recieve the results from.
Meanwhile, after the spotting and exam, the urinalysis came back positive for UT infection & I began antibiotics. It's becoming blurred & I am tiring. I would like to leave the Stanford appointment for a different read. I continue to receive two high dose iv c infusions weekly and the best news on that front is the insurance is covering it!! Rather than launch into that tale, I will leave it open for anyone interested or needing to know more about it to ask me.
It is officially June 1, 2016! Crazy! I'm ttttiring and gonna rest.
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