Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Post cancer amped to live...I guess it just alienates me
While laying around during chemo times and looking forward to life after cancer, I imagined doing this and doing that...all positive things that would have me living, fully. I think going through what I did and having success has left me amped up...and wanting to do as much as possible.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
10 days later...(draft) with current happenings added
It's been scorching hot here lately, and that means it is harder to accomplish as much as I would like on a given day, but I have been continuing to accomplish more and more while my blood counts head toward normal and my hair continues to come in. I no longer bother wearing a wig these days, at least not unless it seems important for me to do so. I feel comfortable being comfortable as opposed to sitting in a wig that is not like my own hair at all, dripping in sweat, which is what happens when it is over 90 degrees. It feels great to have full eyebrows and a cover of soft stubble hair.
Meanwhile, I thought I would share a mishap of lates. I have gotten cold sores, aka herpes, on my face since childhood. Last week I got a small cluster of three cold sores above the right side of my lip. I had some strong reasons why I really wanted it to go away quickly...so I took the valcyclovir tablets both morning and night...with no visible results. A friend mentioned using raw garlic on the site, so I read a little on the internet and gave it a try. It burned when I taped it on, which I took to mean it was killing the virus, as I had read. Note to self: if it sounds too good to be true, it likely is! I thought: all these years and I could have killed the virus with garlic? Well let me do so now. So, after removing the tape and noticing the cold sores were no longer puffy, they were flattened and smaller, I thought it might be wise to do it again...and again...and again...and...well, to cut to the chase, I kept it on the area and the virus, visual as new cold sores, seemed to spread and shrink up, and I was going with the above-mentioned theory. I thought I was killing it off and under that context, it seemed as though it spreading as it tried to live made sense. I also applied tea tree oil on the area the second day of this treatment modal that I was undertaking. That recommendation came from the internet, and after all I was doing it differently this time.
I have now abandoned the experiment after two and a half days. My face is burned. There are numerous cold sores, some flattened and perhaps dying, perhaps shrunken for having been burned. I have never seen my upper lip area so bad in my life. The experiment appears to be a poor choice. And I shall take note that when something burns on application, one needn't buck up and endure....one should take heed and stop. Damn. Such a simple and sensible rule.
This was written and saved as a draft four days ago. I can report that applying aloe vera seemed to help, the paper thin scab came off last night and today, and there is now no signs of virus, although the skin is pinkish. I am applying aloe. At this point, I wonder if there will be some miraculous outcome...as in no more cold sores in that area again. If that came to be, I would feel as though the theory I held was true...however, I am told it is not possible. Time will tell. For now, getting the area healed is the goal.
I am in the process of accomplishing a lot on a daily basis as I clean, clean, sort, make choices and work on the rv that will be used to go to CA. I will see Dr. Puc this week, and we will discuss new labwork, and other post cancer topics. I long to get my teeth cleaned, but given my low blood counts, I think that would not be prudent without her clearance. TBR...
Noteworthy for any who know me, in the summertime in CNY, there are many music events to chose from. Earlier in the month, Ed and I saw Starship (with one member from the late 70's), then the excellent Doobie Brothers, then we saw the New Riders of the Purple Sage last week and I always love them. Last night, a special day marking a year ago I made a new dear friend who I grew very close to and with, we went to see Furthur, featuring Bob Weir and Phil Lesh of the ol' Grateful Dead. The show was in Canandaigua, a Finger Lakes venue that I have grown to love and appreciate over the past few years. As it turns out, one of the strangest things ever occurred. Pounding rain began pouring down during the show and I could see lightning in the background. We had great seats under the cover of the pavilion and yet the rain misted on us as it poured hard. The band had taken a long intermission during which the stranger next to me and I began talking after she admired my shirt. Turns out she and her spouse, vendors and Furthur followers, were from CA and she specifically mentioned Arcata...small world realities...but Furthur returned to stage and began playing their second set and about four songs or one long song into it, Phil read an announcement and said they were told to leave the stage. I hoped it was a joke, but he returned to say that there was lightening threatening and that we were asked to go to our cars, get in them and drive away. I still feel some of the shock...we were loving the show, loving being together...and it was...poof - over! As we walked out, it was not raining. I was trying to rationalize...wishing I was operations manager...stating they made the wrong call. And they did. It did not rain again during the next hour we sat in the car enjoying our salad and our desert balls made of nut butters, cocoa powder and honey...
Dissappintments and making do's aside, we made the best of the rest of the evening and I slept well. Today had me doing for the rv afternoon and evening. Cleaning, washing, cleaning, washing, figuring out solutions to problems and reading blogs on Toyota Rv's. We began talking about routes, stops, time tables, desires, needs and possible resolutions. The conversation will continue. Meanwhile, I also got to talk and sing with Chloe on the phone this evening. Our bond is incredible. I have sung to her since she was a baby. Now, she sings, I sing...and when it is time for goodbye, she is too sensitive and has endured too much of that in her young life that she doesn't like to go there. So, when she would not say goodbye, I began to sing....♪♪ looovvveeee youuuuuuuuu ♪♪♫ and she sang loveeeee youuuuuu, Nana ♪♪♫ and back and forth this went.
All the sadness, discomforts and questions in my life are erased when I feel the bond with that small child who shares my blood, disposition, likes and more. I cannot wait to see her...and to hold her close.
I'm getting closer to taking the PET/CT scans (pushed off till next month when it will be three months post chemo!!), and thereafter will have confirmation I remain cancer free...I daily move further from the cancer patient identity.
I am grateful, deep down, strong and long, for so many of my friends and the role they had in my road to wellness. Frequent, thoughtful contact, cards, donations, visits, rides, drop-offs, phone calls, messages...you know who you are...and if you provided support, you can bet that I have not forgotten. Be kind and thoughtful to yourself, too, child of the universe...your kindnesses live on as gratitude and joy with a fantastic outcome.
Meanwhile, I thought I would share a mishap of lates. I have gotten cold sores, aka herpes, on my face since childhood. Last week I got a small cluster of three cold sores above the right side of my lip. I had some strong reasons why I really wanted it to go away quickly...so I took the valcyclovir tablets both morning and night...with no visible results. A friend mentioned using raw garlic on the site, so I read a little on the internet and gave it a try. It burned when I taped it on, which I took to mean it was killing the virus, as I had read. Note to self: if it sounds too good to be true, it likely is! I thought: all these years and I could have killed the virus with garlic? Well let me do so now. So, after removing the tape and noticing the cold sores were no longer puffy, they were flattened and smaller, I thought it might be wise to do it again...and again...and again...and...well, to cut to the chase, I kept it on the area and the virus, visual as new cold sores, seemed to spread and shrink up, and I was going with the above-mentioned theory. I thought I was killing it off and under that context, it seemed as though it spreading as it tried to live made sense. I also applied tea tree oil on the area the second day of this treatment modal that I was undertaking. That recommendation came from the internet, and after all I was doing it differently this time.
I have now abandoned the experiment after two and a half days. My face is burned. There are numerous cold sores, some flattened and perhaps dying, perhaps shrunken for having been burned. I have never seen my upper lip area so bad in my life. The experiment appears to be a poor choice. And I shall take note that when something burns on application, one needn't buck up and endure....one should take heed and stop. Damn. Such a simple and sensible rule.
This was written and saved as a draft four days ago. I can report that applying aloe vera seemed to help, the paper thin scab came off last night and today, and there is now no signs of virus, although the skin is pinkish. I am applying aloe. At this point, I wonder if there will be some miraculous outcome...as in no more cold sores in that area again. If that came to be, I would feel as though the theory I held was true...however, I am told it is not possible. Time will tell. For now, getting the area healed is the goal.
I am in the process of accomplishing a lot on a daily basis as I clean, clean, sort, make choices and work on the rv that will be used to go to CA. I will see Dr. Puc this week, and we will discuss new labwork, and other post cancer topics. I long to get my teeth cleaned, but given my low blood counts, I think that would not be prudent without her clearance. TBR...
Noteworthy for any who know me, in the summertime in CNY, there are many music events to chose from. Earlier in the month, Ed and I saw Starship (with one member from the late 70's), then the excellent Doobie Brothers, then we saw the New Riders of the Purple Sage last week and I always love them. Last night, a special day marking a year ago I made a new dear friend who I grew very close to and with, we went to see Furthur, featuring Bob Weir and Phil Lesh of the ol' Grateful Dead. The show was in Canandaigua, a Finger Lakes venue that I have grown to love and appreciate over the past few years. As it turns out, one of the strangest things ever occurred. Pounding rain began pouring down during the show and I could see lightning in the background. We had great seats under the cover of the pavilion and yet the rain misted on us as it poured hard. The band had taken a long intermission during which the stranger next to me and I began talking after she admired my shirt. Turns out she and her spouse, vendors and Furthur followers, were from CA and she specifically mentioned Arcata...small world realities...but Furthur returned to stage and began playing their second set and about four songs or one long song into it, Phil read an announcement and said they were told to leave the stage. I hoped it was a joke, but he returned to say that there was lightening threatening and that we were asked to go to our cars, get in them and drive away. I still feel some of the shock...we were loving the show, loving being together...and it was...poof - over! As we walked out, it was not raining. I was trying to rationalize...wishing I was operations manager...stating they made the wrong call. And they did. It did not rain again during the next hour we sat in the car enjoying our salad and our desert balls made of nut butters, cocoa powder and honey...
Dissappintments and making do's aside, we made the best of the rest of the evening and I slept well. Today had me doing for the rv afternoon and evening. Cleaning, washing, cleaning, washing, figuring out solutions to problems and reading blogs on Toyota Rv's. We began talking about routes, stops, time tables, desires, needs and possible resolutions. The conversation will continue. Meanwhile, I also got to talk and sing with Chloe on the phone this evening. Our bond is incredible. I have sung to her since she was a baby. Now, she sings, I sing...and when it is time for goodbye, she is too sensitive and has endured too much of that in her young life that she doesn't like to go there. So, when she would not say goodbye, I began to sing....♪♪ looovvveeee youuuuuuuuu ♪♪♫ and she sang loveeeee youuuuuu, Nana ♪♪♫ and back and forth this went.
All the sadness, discomforts and questions in my life are erased when I feel the bond with that small child who shares my blood, disposition, likes and more. I cannot wait to see her...and to hold her close.
I'm getting closer to taking the PET/CT scans (pushed off till next month when it will be three months post chemo!!), and thereafter will have confirmation I remain cancer free...I daily move further from the cancer patient identity.
I am grateful, deep down, strong and long, for so many of my friends and the role they had in my road to wellness. Frequent, thoughtful contact, cards, donations, visits, rides, drop-offs, phone calls, messages...you know who you are...and if you provided support, you can bet that I have not forgotten. Be kind and thoughtful to yourself, too, child of the universe...your kindnesses live on as gratitude and joy with a fantastic outcome.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
...currently...
Lot's going on...my hair is growing notably on a daily basis. The very light, blondish grayish, soft fledgling down-like hair is now competing with brown hair that is coming in. My eyebrows had completely fallen out after the sixth chemo took it's toll. Completely. And I was startled each time I looked in the mirror. I tried drawing some in, one stroke as a hair at a time, but never liked how it looked. The eyebrows are really doing well now! I think that within a week they may be full length hairs; time will tell if I am too hopeful on this, as I am on many things. I often forget I am still healing from the chemo...restoring...renewing...seeking balance.
I took the time today to follow the link from my email to the Hematology Oncology website and to my lab results. The blood work had been off in many ways last time. The sixth chemo had furthered the off-balancedness, for lack of better words. Today I referenced the letters and at least had a better sense of what is still off. Several things are still off, the easiest to recall are the white blood count and the red blood count, both off, but closer to being within the normal range than last time. It is a process and I now realize that I need to remember I am vulnerable to infection and need to take better care, be more aware as I carry forth each day. I have a mess of a garage floor to handle and a host of items to go through in my basement. And then there's...and ...and...yeah, it is starting to feel overwhelming the number of projects and repairs on my plate...waiting to happen.
I'm glad I digested where I am at...so that I stay true to my own self-respect and take good care of myself. Today, after reading my labs and also reading about my blood type and foods best suited to me, I made a point of hunkering down. I feel it necessary to eliminate wheat at this point and perhaps it will become a new norm. I read that I am especially vulnerable to inflammation when eating wheat and it rings as truth. Dang. On the other hand, eating 12 ounces of spinach today no doubt was good for my body. I need to hydrate up and keep the veggies going in and little sweetness, be it melon or carrots. It's time to feel my dieting is back on track, at least I hope that is true. As I write this and recall my chemo nurse's voice, I feel less sure. I think she told me to wait a couple of months to begin to lose weight, but I feel ready. The weather is hot and sticky when it is not raining. I have felt inflammation for a while. Today, after not eating anything but a small piece of org. cantaloupe and then org. spinach fried in a small amount of org. coconut oil and org. onion with a small amount of grated cheese, I feel less inflamed. If this continues, it will be easy enough to make a shift to eating right for my body because I do recall how good I felt when I altered my diet strictly in November after discovering I had cancer. I deviated...and it is amazing how carb's create a desire...a craving for more.
A friend mentioned my lack of writing here, thus I wanted to write a post that describes recent changes. I will update and speak more about diet. I do strongly believe it is vital I eat healthily, vital I shed some excess weight, vital I exercise, vital I have loving, healthy relationships, vital I maintain peace of mind and sometimes it takes great reflection to do so.
I go to bed now, nearing 1 am, ready to rest well and to awaken with peace of mind and the determination to tackle an ever-growing list. Tomorrow, I shall go to the Vitamin C infusion that was scheduled because the doctor wanted me to have them through July, but I intend to be cancel the others. So...I had better be prepared to not forget to take the supplements I need, to ingest plenty of fresh organic produce, and to drink plenty of water, herbal teas, and lemon water.
I took the time today to follow the link from my email to the Hematology Oncology website and to my lab results. The blood work had been off in many ways last time. The sixth chemo had furthered the off-balancedness, for lack of better words. Today I referenced the letters and at least had a better sense of what is still off. Several things are still off, the easiest to recall are the white blood count and the red blood count, both off, but closer to being within the normal range than last time. It is a process and I now realize that I need to remember I am vulnerable to infection and need to take better care, be more aware as I carry forth each day. I have a mess of a garage floor to handle and a host of items to go through in my basement. And then there's...and ...and...yeah, it is starting to feel overwhelming the number of projects and repairs on my plate...waiting to happen.
I'm glad I digested where I am at...so that I stay true to my own self-respect and take good care of myself. Today, after reading my labs and also reading about my blood type and foods best suited to me, I made a point of hunkering down. I feel it necessary to eliminate wheat at this point and perhaps it will become a new norm. I read that I am especially vulnerable to inflammation when eating wheat and it rings as truth. Dang. On the other hand, eating 12 ounces of spinach today no doubt was good for my body. I need to hydrate up and keep the veggies going in and little sweetness, be it melon or carrots. It's time to feel my dieting is back on track, at least I hope that is true. As I write this and recall my chemo nurse's voice, I feel less sure. I think she told me to wait a couple of months to begin to lose weight, but I feel ready. The weather is hot and sticky when it is not raining. I have felt inflammation for a while. Today, after not eating anything but a small piece of org. cantaloupe and then org. spinach fried in a small amount of org. coconut oil and org. onion with a small amount of grated cheese, I feel less inflamed. If this continues, it will be easy enough to make a shift to eating right for my body because I do recall how good I felt when I altered my diet strictly in November after discovering I had cancer. I deviated...and it is amazing how carb's create a desire...a craving for more.
A friend mentioned my lack of writing here, thus I wanted to write a post that describes recent changes. I will update and speak more about diet. I do strongly believe it is vital I eat healthily, vital I shed some excess weight, vital I exercise, vital I have loving, healthy relationships, vital I maintain peace of mind and sometimes it takes great reflection to do so.
I go to bed now, nearing 1 am, ready to rest well and to awaken with peace of mind and the determination to tackle an ever-growing list. Tomorrow, I shall go to the Vitamin C infusion that was scheduled because the doctor wanted me to have them through July, but I intend to be cancel the others. So...I had better be prepared to not forget to take the supplements I need, to ingest plenty of fresh organic produce, and to drink plenty of water, herbal teas, and lemon water.
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